A New Day Has Come

Happy New Year! I know I'm a bit late..but I figured it was better late than never :D Although I'm not one who believes in making new year resolutions and sticking by them, I realized that the last year seemed like it had flown by a little too fast for my liking.

It's been a good year, as are most of them. A year of making new beginnings, carrying on with the old, picking up from where we left off...you get the picture.

Coming to a new place made me realize that I seem to have taken a lot of things for granted; family, friends. When these things are in short supply around you, you tend to look back and reminisce about what you once had. Then it eventually dawns on you that there's no point in living in the past, that there's nothing like the present. Each day will bring new challenges, more and more assignments to turn in. But I'm determined this year to have a little more 'me' time. When I can just kick off my shoes and truly enjoy the company of people around me. I want to meet more people, make new friends, see new places. I don't want to look back at the two years I've spent in Philly and regret that I didn't take advantage of so many things that it has to offer! I don't have any false hopes. I know I'm going to take baby steps initially and then slow down when there's too much work to do but I have to start somewhere. I might get hurt from time to time but like the saying goes - 'What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger'.

Here we go! Wish me luck :P

Final Countdown

1 more exam, 4 more days, 24 hours of travelling..and I will be home. Hip Hip Hurray! :D

Thank You

It's been a year. I lit a candle today in honour of my grandfather. It's been an interesting year to say the least. I have a lot to be thankful for.
To the people who held my hand through the tough times, listened to me rant on the phone and went out in the morning to buy me a candle..you know who you are.

Thank you :)

Mumbai Meri Jaan

On Wednesday morning, I woke up in the morning dreading all the work I had to do before stepping on a flight to go to Houston. I was running around like a beheaded chicken, trying to finish off a particularly irritating assignment and at the same time trying to make sure that I packed whatever was required for my 3 day trip. 

Needless to say, I reached the airport in time and had to stand in what seemed like a never-ending line before I could go through the security check at the airport. With a sense of achievement that I still had time to spare, I headed towards the gate to wait for them to call for boarding. Nothing in my wildest dream could have prepared me for what I would see on the TV screen. Mumbai...was under attack. Guests at the Taj Hotel had been taken hostage. Gunmen had opened fire at innocent travellers in the busiest train station I have ever seen till date. People had been shot in Cafe Leopold. I had to sit down in a chair because I couldn't believe my eyes. I could feel my legs buckle under me because I couldn't stop shaking. I watched in silence and disbelief as more news came in and pictures came up on the screen.

The places were familiar. I wasn't born in Mumbai and I have never lived there for any significant length of time. But less than one year ago, I made two visits to this vibrant city. At a time in my life when I was largely unhappy, recuperating from loss, confused about my future, extremely restless and desperate for a sense of belonging - I found myself in Mumbai. During those two visits, I marvelled at the sense of freedom I experienced there.  We spent most of those days sitting on Marine Drive, watching the waves break against the rocks in silence, interspersed with some wise-cracks at someone else's expense. We stood near the Gateway of India marvelling at the beauty of the Taj and joking about how none of us had the money to have an entire meal there. We spent time in Leopold's soaking in the music and the atmosphere. We travelled by local train and passed through CST numerous times. The place had an energy about it which I had never experienced before. People were constantly on the move. The rhythm of their footsteps were somehow a source of comfort to me. Proof that in all the chaos of my life, there could eventually be some sense of order. 

I was in Houston for Thanksgiving. But every moment that wasn't spent talking to family or preparing for the dinner was spent obsessing about what was happening in Mumbai; reading every single article I could lay my hands on, contacting friends in Mumbai to make sure they were ok, watching CNN for updates and reading various blogs. The sheer helplessness of the situation was overwhelming and annoying. I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way because I've lost track of the number of people who have told me this over the past few days - "Is there anything at all I can do to help? Why???"

In all this chaos, there's no dearth of stories which leave you with some sense of hope for the days to come. The railway authorities cleared the debris of the explosions in 12 hours. Volunteers came forward to carry the wounded and the dead, to donate blood and to assist traumatized survivors.This demonstration of courage and empathy is all the more remarkable in a metropolis whose residents must desensitise themselves in order to survive against failing infrastructure, strained amenities, official indifference and an unforgiving pace of life. The epitome of survival of the fittest.

It feels next to impossible for me to look at something like this objectively. The siege may be over for now. People have died. Fingers are being pointed. The general public is outraged at the state of affairs. All the people holding offices of power seem to have put in their papers. Does that really achieve anything? They step down and expect someone else to do the clean-up job. It just leaves a bad taste in one's mouth. 

It's very easy to point fingers but I believe Indians have to change. And what better time than right now? Politicians can only make policies to point us in the right direction. It's the common man and the law enforcers who will ultimately ensure that the system runs efficiently. We, as a community, have to learn how to stop cutting corners. If we want a more effective security system, we have to be willing to sacrifice a little of our privacy. There's a price we're all going to have to pay if we want to live in a safer and more secure world. Blaming everything on the government has become a habit - an escape route for most. The fact still remains that most of our metros are unprepared to defend themselves against the perils of terrorist warfare.

Someone pointed out to me today that I give people too much credit. That I have way too much faith in humanity. The truth is, I don't think I'd like to have it any other way. I believe that the undaunted resilience of the human heart is something spectacular. That we can pick up the pieces and move on with our lives never fails to amaze me. But I regret to say, that in our hurry to "move on", we forget. We may have escaped the clutches of terror this time, but that doesn't guarantee that we will be as lucky tomorrow. I sincerely hope that we, as a nation, learn from these mistakes so that a tragedy of this magnitude can be avoided in the future. Resilience is good, but amnesia fatal.

November Rain

The gloomy weather seems to have been taking its toll on my mood lately. I don't like to have the rain in my shoes. I don't like to see the sky painted gray. I don't like it when nothing is going my way. I don't like to be the one with blues.

But then everything suddenly turned around when I looked outside my window today and saw SNOW. The immense beauty that nature has at its disposal left me speechless and brought the biggest of grins to my face. You haven't experienced anything until you've opened the window to your second floor apartment when it is sub-zero temperature outside and stuck your head out to see how it feels to have snow falling on the tip of your nose. Or stuck your tongue out to catch a snowflake and intercepted its journey to the ground. Or sat on the windowsill and dangled your feet in cold breeze, humming your favourite tune.

For that brief time period, you are transported back in time to the days when you didn't have a care in the world. When there were no exams around the corner. When you could afford to waste time and not feel even the smallest ounce of guilt. When your days weren't so structured and you didn't have any work to do.

I wish there were more of these days. But for now, I'm going to enjoy the moment, grab my boots and coat and do a little snow dance :D After all..it's not every day that it snows in Philadelphia!

Tired of Being Sorry

We say so many things to each other, without thinking about whether or not the person being addressed is going to be hurt. A slip of the tongue, if you may.  But we get all hot and bothered when similar things are spoken to us, unintentionally again, in an effort to elicit a laugh from a crowd of admiring friends. I can dish it out but I can’t take it? That’s not really fair. 

But like everything else, the hurt caused always fades away, faster than we think it will. At times a good laugh or two is all it takes for you to move on with your life. To 'forget'.  But the memory remains, somewhere inside your head, waiting to rear its ugly head just when you’re at your most vulnerable… 

If I were to apologize to everyone I have ever hurt, and to those that I may have hurt without even being aware of it, I don't think I'd even come close to completing my task. Because a lot of it was unintentional, unrealized, unmentionable, unremembered. So should I just move on? But this really isn't supposed to be about me. Is it?This is about every hurt, every slight, every reprimand, and every wound which had yours truly as a conspirator or co-conspirator. I'm tired of being sorry..

There are times when you listen to songs and feel like they've been written for you. This is one of them...

"I'm staring out into the night,
Trying to hide the pain.
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing.
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain.

Well I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
Well I'm going home.

The miles are getting longer, it seems,
The closer I get to you.
I've not always been the best man or friend for you.
But your love remains true.
And I don't know why.
You always seem to give me another try.

So I'm going home,
Back to the place where I belong,
And where your love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.

Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all,
And then some you don't want.
Be careful what you wish for,
'Cause you just might get it all.
You just might get it all, yeah.

Oh, well I'm going home,
To the place where I belong,
And where love has always been enough for me.
I'm not running from.
No, I think you got me all wrong.
I don't regret this life I chose for me.
But these places and these faces are getting old.
I said these places and these faces are getting old,
So I'm going home.
I'm going home."

--"Home" by Daughtry