Static

I'm always been amazed when I meet some old friends after such a long time and it's like not a day has passed since you last met up and you just seem to pick up from where you left off. I guess it's a pleasant surprise because usually I've never had much luck in that department. Now don't get me wrong, I've always seemed to have amazing friends. But most often, after extended periods of no contact, there just doesn't seem to be much to talk about.

I guess it is natural that people expect that all the things they left behind would be just as they last remembered them. But there is movement, everywhere. For all things. Within all of us. There keeps being reason for me to reflect on my portion in that.

And that's why these kinds of friends are all the more special. They're not very easy to come by! I almost always end up having this fuzzy feeling after a brief but nice conversation with them :)

I intend to get in touch with more old friends eventually. All this thinking has got me curious! I haven't been as good at keeping in touch with people as I would've hoped I'd be. So if you're out there..old friend, here I come :D

Hanging by a moment

Life is strange. It does funny things to you. If it lands a slap on your face, it kind of makes up for it by making you go places. If it makes you work hard, it makes you smile too. And the happiness kind of makes up for the sadness.

Kind of.

Closing a chapter of your life is never easy..there's just so much of yourself in there and to move on seems like nothing short of voluntarily chopping off a limb. I don't know if it's the uncertainty that makes my tummy churn or the process of scribbling a mental end-note.

Creating chapters have its significant moments. Moments that stay with you. Moments that make you stronger.

But chapters don't have to be ended. People put an end to them. People like you and me.

So that's where I'd like to leave my life right now-like an open ended chapter. I don't want to seal it. I want to take it with me. During my solitary time, I take a peak into the significant moments, taste the bittersweet flavour and smile :)

Now don't ask me what turn my life's going to take over the next few months. Go figure..

Small talk

One thing I've never quite figured out is how one should respond to a leading question or conversation starter such as "How's it going?" or "waaasssupp?" and the like..

We all face variations of this small talk almost everyday and everywhere..and even indulge in it from time to time (sigh). One should be quick to realize that nobody really wants to hear "I have a cold and feel like something even the cat wouldn't bring home" (you get the picture). This phenomenon almost borders on the ridiculous when the questions come flying at you from a person walking towards you in the corridor. If you time it right, you just might have enough time to say "Great!" before the other person vanishes into thin air. And that brings me back to the crux of the matter..what is the right response? Is there one? :P Oh well..

But then again, society seems to demand small talk. I've had countless conversations over the past few weeks with random people about the vaguest things possible. Like when I got onto the crowded lift at the ground floor in an attempt to not take the stairs to get to my lab (which is on the 6th floor of the building, by the way) , only to find that the whole lot of them got off on the FIRST floor. The only thing left to do was laugh and smile at the only other person left in the lift , who was muttering under her breath about how lazy and inconsiderate people are these days ;) It's those brief conversations and experiences that kind of give me a high at times. You feel a remote connection with the other person for that nano-second and it prompts you to say hello to them the next time you see them in the corridor!

I've always believed that each and every one of us is a social being..no matter how anti-social we claim to be :) I guess that's what compels us to greet other people in the corridor with "How're you doing?"! It's either that..or it's the memory of someone not responding to a greeting, looking right through you and making you feel part of the wood-work that urges you not to make anyone else feel that way. I am forever the optimist :)

This is not to say that I'm at a total loss for words every time that I have a question like that thrown at me. The usual response is "Nothing much" and then the conversation just seems to get underway on its own. I guess the same funda is true in the case of saying 'goodbye'. Most of the time, 'See you soon" or "I'll see you around" comes as an automatic way to indicate the end of a conversation. What if you really don't intend to hang around with that person again? :P But I have to admit, there are times when it just seems impolite to leave a conversation or room with a terse "bye". I guess a decent substitute would be..

Monday/Tuesday - "Have a good week!"
Wednesday - "What plans for the weekend?"
Thursday/Friday - "Have a good weekend!"

And now that my secret is out..please don't mind when I use these lines on one of you ;) For those of you who really wanted to know..I've been fine..great actually!(even though some of you may claim that my recent poems may show otherwise :P) I'm back to my lazy self, sleeping in when I should be getting ready to run and catch the bus to work, taking trips to my own world of make-believe where I don't notice when people say hi to me, making lots of enthusiastic plans to go out and ending up just staying indoors and eating a lot of Marie biscuits and curd:) Yup..I'd say life is pretty much back to normal :D

Breathe

Staring out into the night,
Beneath this cloudless sky.
You've wasted the day thinking.
You've had your fill of sinking.

Just forget the world,
Time is running out.
Even when all hope is gone,
Just have a little patience.

There are secrets
That we still have left to find.
There are answers
That may even change your mind.

Summer has come and gone.
This feeling of emptiness lingers on.
You can’t get a life
If your heart’s not in it.

As the sun sets on another day,
Close your eyes & hope…
That after midnight, daylight will come,
And tomorrow might be good for something…

Don’t get caught up in yourself
Take a step back and
Breathe
Just breathe

The Merry-go-round

Been running in circles,
Now suddenly there’s nowhere to run to.
Time is slowly ticking by
Nothing seems to make sense no more

Dazed and confused,

I sit down on the curb,

To catch my breath,

To have a good look at myself.

Somewhere in this darkness
There’s a light that I can’t find.
I can’t find the missing piece
Of this puzzle we call ‘life’.

Part of me is fighting this,
Part of me just wants to give in.
Am going to try and get it right this time
I’m going back to the start.

I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running..
Stick around for a while & then maybe you’ll see
A different side of me.

I’m searching for things

That I cannot see.

I’m just out to find
The better part of me.

Random thoughts

It is the small things that bring home the fact that I am growing older. Like when a small kid looks up at you (after you've given him what seems like a gazzilion piggy-back rides) and asks you "Are you a kid or an adult?" It almost felt like I had a truck ramming against my head and my mind went completely blank for a few seconds. When I asked him what he thought I was..the answer was "I don't know..you tell me!" Kids, I tell you. Trust them to ask you just the right questions.

Anyhoo (I've always wanted to use that word :P)..I've had quite a lot of free time during the nights lately. And I chanced upon a couple of poems by Vikram Seth..I think I now have a new favourite author. Here are two which just seemed to make sense.

All Those who Sleep Tonight

All you who sleep tonight
Far from the ones you love,
No hand to left or right
And emptiness above -

Know that you aren't alone
The whole world shares your tears,
Some for two nights or one,
And some for all their years.

- Vikram Seth

Time Zones

I willed my love to dream of me last night
That we might lie
At peace, if not beneath a single sheet,
Under one sky.

I dreamed of her but she could not alas
Humour my will;
It struck me suddenly that where she was
Was daylight still.

- Vikram Seth