25

My trip to India this time was quite an eye opener for me on several levels. One of those moments being this sudden (or maybe not so sudden) realization that I will be turning 25 in less than 6 months. It was on one of those numerous hospital check-ups that someone checked my file and realized that the age had been printed wrong –“Oh! You’re going to be 25 soon!! :D”

There is something about the number 25. In terms of age, it is like the first 'real' transition point in your life according to most social norms. This is that age most mothers give themselves as a deadline to have their daughters married. It’s an age by which you should have started to realize that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. In other words, this is the age when you finally begin to feel old!

Change IS the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging more than usual. I realize that I have set myself certain boundaries and expectations in my life (ever changing, mind you). I’m constantly adding things to my mental list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

When I was a girl, I was in such a hurry to grow up. I wanted to be taken seriously. I didn’t want people to think my brother was ‘the older one’. I wanted to wear make-up, high heels, be my own person with no one telling me what to do. And now that I am 24, I would do anything to get back to being just ‘young’ again and without a care in the world.

During my visit, I realized that a lot of my classmates from school were engaged and most of them will be married by the end of the year. Few of the girls are already mothers! I realized my teenage friends have moved on with their respective lives (so have I). These were the people with whom I used to roam around with, fight over the last drop of the communal Pepsi bottle and laugh at every little thing without caring for tomorrow. People with whom I discussed everything that troubled the teenage ‘me’. They suddenly seem to have gone on into a different part of the world. And yet, we all still hang on to those good times for comfort and marvel at how things have changed since then :)

I noticed that my parents have developed quite a substantial amount of white hair, were beginning to complain about pain in their knees and knuckles, even alluding to the fact that they will not be around forever. It dawned on me that my grandmother looks more frail than my usual memory of her. I didn’t want to leave..I wanted to stay and soak in all the warmth I got from them and have them at close quarters.

The constant question from everyone I met was “When do we see you next?” I started to feel insecure, wondered where I will be in a year or two and then chickened out because I don’t even know what I’ll be doing six months from now.

The thought is pretty overwhelming though. Twenty-Five, by the end of June I would have been on this planet for a quarter of a century. SHOCKING!!!