Cleaning Out My Closet

Every year my mom insists that we sort out our belongings and give away things that we don't need anymore or have grown out of. I have a habit of never throwing away gifts. Sometimes this even extends to gift wrapping paper. That might explain why there's a treasure trove of paper and cards piled up at the bottom of my cupboard and it shows no sign of getting any smaller!

A few days ago, I settled down in front of my old cupboard and tried to establish some order in the mess. Even though I might end up keeping everything, it doesn't necessarily mean that I've stored it all properly. I had tossed them into a box at leisure and then I ran out of leisure in the shambles of the usual clean-up mode, so they got caught up in the bale-it-up-and-stuff-it-in-the-box-and-we'll-straighten-it-out-next year syndrome.

I hauled out the box, spread out all the things across the bed, settled down with a glass of lime juice and a puzzled frame of mind. Just to help, I put a CD that had been compiled by an old friend in my portable CD player and cranked up the volume.

Here it all was. Candles and pine boughs, CDs and pictures, cards containing heavy messages about love, joy, peace and goodwill. If that wasn't enough, there were all those handwritten messages of affection from friends and family.

It was as if I was watching my life over the past 22 years like a slide show. Seldom have I felt so bad and so good at the same time. So wonderfully rotten, elegantly sad, melancholic and nostalgic.

What can I say? I guess wonder and awe and joy are always there in the attic of one's mind. It doesn't take a lot to set it off. Yet there is a terrible and wondrous truth working here. That all things live only if something else is cleared out of the path to make way. No death; no life. No exceptions. Things must come and go. People. Years. Ideas. The wheel turns and the old is cleared away as fodder for the new.

I picked up the letters and cards to stack them away; with respect if not enthusiasm. Wondering at what is going and coming. Quietly awed into silence by what I have now come to understand but cannot tell.

More Than a Feeling

I'm one of those people who is a sucker for happy endings. I believe all things happen for a reason. Good or bad. And call me crazy, but I believe that if you really truly wish for something to happen, it will. Eventually. Sometimes it takes its own sweet time to happen and at other times, things just appear when you want them to!

You might be wondering what got me started along this train of thought. I finally got down to reading 'The Alchemist' today. It's one of those books which I've heard people talking about but never got down to reading because I was turned off by the idea of reading a remotely philosophical book. I'm a stubborn person with weird ideas stuck in my head every once in a while..I know ;)

Surprise Surprise! The book made me think about my own life and the world around me. When was the last time I truly listened to my heart and followed my dreams? Do I pay attention to the omens strewn along life's path? Would I even notice them if they had a placard held up with my name in BOLD letters written across it?

Hmmm..no comment.

For the time-being, I think I'm going to have to be content knowing that I'm not the only one in the world who feels this way. The sadist in me actually feels comforted by that fact :P I shall continue to try and make a wish on a shooting star (somehow with the pollution in Delhi, I doubt that's going to happen any time soon!) and do everything in my power to make my dreams come true. After all, everyone is entitled to their own happy ending :D

Tag. I'm it!

I decided to tag myself since I've noticed this 'tag' phenomenon on a couple of random blogs that I've seen. I don't want to tag anyone..just felt like blabbering.

7 things I miss:

• Hostel. The late night chats. The ability to walk down the corridor and have meaningful (and at times, totally meaningless) conversations with people you actually care about.
• Talks with my grandfather over the dining table. We used to laugh about it and want to run away while the conversation was taking place..but the thought that those conversations can't take place anymore makes me want them all the more.
• Home. It gets to you while you're there but after some time being out, you just crave the food..people..and the fact that you can sit back, relax and 'be yourself'.
  
• Being a kid. The thought of not worrying about what the future holds for me is very appealing at the moment.
• Coffee breaks during the last sem in college. The spur-of-the-moment plans that we used to hatch.
• Being less cynical about people...or maybe just life in general.
  
• The ability to write and express myself on demand. It takes a hell of a lot of effort these days..

7 things I can't do:

• Public displays of affection..but I'm learning :)
  
• Control my movements when someone tickles me
  
• Get over my need to obsess about random shit that may not be of any consequence.
  
• Understand abstract art..or even abstract thought processes for that matter.
• Read books based on philosophy or fantasy. They're all the same jibberish to me
• Eat a meal big enough for two. My eyes always seem to be bigger than my stomach!
• Understand hypocrites or people who lead double-lives
  

7 things I can do:

• Laugh about nothing in particular until my eyes start to water.
• Write.
• Have a song constantly running through my head but the minute you ask me which one it is..I'll forget which one!
  
• Be mercilessly truthful on demand
  
• Talk to random people about stuff that doesn't particularly concern me
• Irritate close friends with my 'diplo-babble' :P
• Lose track of time when doing anything 'arty' and 'crafty'
  

7 things I plan to do:

• Discover Delhi. I intend to do this on my own..and if I end up having company..then great!
• Find myself somewhere along the way.
• Visit England, Egypt, Israel and Paris. If I could manage to go with my grandmother for a trip down memory-lane in Europe..even better.
  
• Go bunjee-jumping
• Do something totally reckless..and not regret it one bit the next morning!
  
• Live life..yes, just live life and take things as they come.
  
• Smile..and make others smile in the process :)